Everything is changing and I don’t like it

Sometimes I think I'm going crazy.

Sometimes I feel like nothing is real,

like I'm trapped inside a dream 

and nothing has permanence. 

Sometimes I get so depressed I can't eat. 

Sometimes I eat just so I can feel something. 

Sometimes I feel like I'm already dead,

just watching the ghost of my former self 

shuffle and stumble her way through life. 

Someone please help her, I think. 

She needs to be seen for what she is 

but the cacophony of misery around her 

deafens all to her cries for help. 

She doesn't even know what she needs,

she doesn't even know what she wants.

She doesn't even know what she likes, 

all she knows is that she is unhappy. 

But in this world of hurt, 

this atmosphere of agony and angst,

she is just lost. 

Everything moves too quickly around her 

to see that she has fallen behind. 

But there are much more important things 

and this crisis within me will take too much time. 

I can't do this right now, this is too much to take on.

And yet. I cannot move forward. 

I am stuck in amber, fossilizing before your eyes- 

A slow and macabre death brought forth by 

a change in climate within myself. 

Yet I knowingly live in denial, 

frantically covering the signs of the amber 

Closing in, Entrapping me.

I am not ready. 

I thought I had been building a safe space,

where I could hide the parts of me away 

that I wasn't ready to deal with yet, if ever.

But the walls I had built have started to harden, 

closing in on me; becoming a chrysalis,

pushing me into a forced metamorphosis. 


Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741