EPISTLE TO ABSENT DAD

Dear dad-
did you ever lay your eyes on me?

I remember in agony and melancholy,
My entire childhood was spent wondering what hell did I do to you
and what heaven could I have done
to keep you around.

Are you aware what dad’s absence does to a baby?
Do you even care?
All the feigned petty pities
The taunts and haunts from peers?
The self-hate I developed within?
The depressions and alienations I suffered?
The remarkable sense of rejection and degradation?

No.
I guess you don't!

If you ever cared about anyone else
but yourself you would have stuck around, at least for your child.
Your own blood.

Innumerable questions I had.
Zero answers I got.

I brought the thinking and wondering
To a halt long ago.
After all, I had a golden mother
She acted mummy and daddy at a go

But there is something I need to ley you know

I didn’t want your money.
Nor do I do now.
I wanted you.
I wanted the confidence
that comes with the knowledge
that dad cares.

Where were you when a girl took
my heart and ran away with it?
She left me feeling beaten and broken
- worthless bastard!

That time I needed dad for a confidant.
To tell me I was unbreakable. Invincible. Simply indomitable.
You weren’t their for me.
You will never be.
That I'm acutely aware

For so long I held
onto the anger you fueled.
I’ve held on it for so long,
because for you I had been longing
Wasn’t it the only picture
-the only memory of you I had!

Despite the eons of anger and hurt,
I took no umbrage.
Against you I harbour no grudge.
I forgave you for having left me
Without a word.
I too ask that you forgive me
for the wrongs I didn’t know I did.
Probably before I was born!

©DMN 2020 Ed

This poem is about: 
My family
My community
Our world

Comments

chandeliere

This is beautiful❤️

DMN MUCHUI

Thanks a million

gvall123

Mum is the bye word ,she is there  ,but what's happens if she has gone ,,where else ,,what else,,,there must be none more lonely than the forgotten child,,, Your poem made me think,Thankyou for that,,,,

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