I know exactly who I want to be

But the person I've been has a strong hold on me

Twenty years a slave of my own mind catering to false premises built upon my own insecurities

Trying to escape illusions

Illusions of hate and resentment

Searching for love and commitment

Or maybe just feigning for someone to listen 

I mean living amongst a generation where wrong is right and right is rarely a trending topic

And unfortunately this world is so enticing

See guys are only interested in my sexuality and girls make a mockery of virginity but praise one's teenage fertility and

Pretending

Like the beats on my phine are the same ones they role through the hood with

Front seat in the backseat one hand on the steering whell three homies that I'm up to no good with

Pretending

Like I have'nt lived my whole life on the second pew

Addicted. Because I've never felt this high before

With altered levels of sobriety 

I've been domesticated by society

High off domestic life, sobered up from a few days being Christ-like 

Distracted

Distracted, it burdens me trying so hard to fit in when I was clearly created to stand out

Hypnotized by the lusts of life

I see me

Drowning in a man-made paradise

Contaminated with guilt and shame inflicted by so-called friends that said here, this is good for you

I'll take the blame, the devil

Hustled me out of my sanity and dignity

Lured me into a web of deceit

And I took the bate

Like a fish out of water struggling to breathe

Inhale, exhale

Flailing

Nearly lifeless with all the weight of society standing firmly on my chest

I need the breath of life

But I'll wait til' later on tonight

Hidden behind four walls I'll be who I'm supposed to be

But only for tonight because in the morning, in the morning

There's light for them to see that I'm not the same

That might suggest that I'm among the chosen ones

Light that might suggest that I was exceptionally created for a greater purpose

That life seems a bit overrated because I'm still young so maybe 

I can get away with it

So just like The Prodigal Son, I've taken my Dad's grace and stuffed it in my back pocket

Then ran away into the hands of humanity

The same hands that gave me a gun to execute the person God predestined for me to be

The same humanity that continually feeds me lies

That blows smoke in my eyes and says, getting high, you should try it

That says you"re too quiet, drink this

That pierced my self estem when it said you're not pretty

Because, because your hair is too short, you're too big, you need make up

The one whose face I struggle to see when I look in the mirror

The Humanity that needs Christ most

And I know him

But I'm afraid to let my outward appearance show him

But maybe not because of them

Out of fear of being deemed weird or strange

Trying to cater to these streets

I've allowed man to re-sculpt me into what it wants me to be

It doesn't want to see Christ-like 

So instead I've chosen to cater to society

I'd rather suffocate in sin

I'll take the blame

Because I just realized that the real emeny

The real enemy has a name 

I'll take the blame

Because it seems, that I've become my own worst enemy