I climbed up the mountain,
the day was blue.
Sprinkled in gold and burned with truth.
The sun shone as I reached my goal.
The peak loomed, then welcomed and called me home.
I needed the square knot, but not the taut line hitch.
I needed a fire, but did not need the wire saw.
I wanted the award, but did not want judgement.
I was a scout, only until I was gay.
When I could no longer keep silent,
the days of climbing mountains with my best friends,
the days of striking record speeds with my brothers,
the days of soaring through life supported and cared for,
would be gone.
I would be gay.
A waste.
So, I kept silent. For all 10 years.
I closed my mouth and hid my tears.
I put in the work and did all I could,
and finally the day came,
Eagle Scout.
There was nothing you could do.
No one could have stopped me.
I knew that I was good enough,
I knew what I had to prove.
Mostly to myself,
Maybe to my Mom.
I was brilliant.
I was strong.
Now it is time to tell the truth,
I am gay.
No longer a scout.
It comes with some shame and bitterness,
but the sweet freedom from hate and indifference,
shines away any awkwardness.
I am gay.
No longer a scout.
I am gay.
And I have come out.
Here at the mountain top,
without my best friends,
without my brothers,
without my men.
As I look around,
I see the truth,
those of us here,
are the real men I know.

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