Dying Alone: A Love Poem

You know,

You never really learned to accept a gift

Whether it was a compliment

Or wine

Or tear drops on your couch

And especially my heart

You never could fathom my love

It’s depth or viscosity

The way it never seems to end,

An ocean of affection.

The deeper you sank,

The less light reached my eyes

You see,

It’s hard to tell you are crying

When there’s no light

to shine on your tears

When the rain is already falling

What are a few more tears?

And you know, I used to love the rain

The sound it made on the roof

Each tiny splash on puddles

The way it shines in the trees

Of course I told you all this

Once upon a time

Not that you’d remember

You never do remember

And regretfully I can never forget

Forget the taste of your lips

The warmth of your hands

The shimmer in your eyes

The subtle laugh you used to make

And the way you lie

The way you try to hide your pain

To keep me from pain

But my perception is ruefully overdeveloped

Sharpened by a childhood of trying to survive

I saw every sign

Every broken piece and dried up tear

I wanted to be there for you

I wanted to be there

With you

By you

For you

I wanted you to know I loved you

So I told you

My heart cannot keep a secret you know

There are no walls here

Only windows

And perhaps my love is not as mature

Perhaps it is not as weathered

Or worn

Perhaps my concept of love is only just beginning to bloom

But it was blooming for you

Reaching toward your sun

For its first breath of air

And you turned it away

You plunged it into darkness

Locked in a box whose key I cannot find

And for all the months I spent falling in love with you

All the months we spent holding each other’s hands

Kissing each other in my car

I cannot bear to call you only a friend

Because I don’t feel this way about friends

And I’m afraid I’ll never feel this way about anyone


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