doesn't work like that

since the age of 14

i was uncofortable to touch

to feeling foreign feelings 

unexplainable,

happiness unlike the type i felt for clouds

or birthdays or painting

the feeling of butterflies taring holes in my skin 

never came natural.

sure, first kisses were easy

when hard rock and hard liquer were involved

but a mind that seemed so fearless when clouded

acted like a brick wall during sobriety

gradually chisled to dust for god knows how long

before anyone could come close.

age 14, i was awarded the name

"prude."

i had a boyfriend whod been with me for 3 weeks 

never had my lips touched his

not that i had any current intention to

but news spread that my lips wouldnt

and suddenly i was scuffed;

who would kiss a girl who couldnt kiss back?

when he sat near my my skin crawled

i couldnt breath

the midnight air was heavy and cold 

but warmth meant close

and close was not my thing.

prude.

age 15 and something is wrong with me

i just know it

i tell friends 

they ask 

"were you ever taken advantege of?" "have you ever been hurt?" "are you surpressing memmories?
no, no, jesus who knows

i rack my brain for hours a night and cant find an answer

to why i pull away.

16 and i was awarded the word "virgin"

news spread that my legs wouldnt 

followed by suprised replies

"really?" "how?" "like, what kind"

an abnormal lack of sexual appitite separated me  

didnt quite fit with my hair or my clothes

 

 

Comments

Additional Resources

Get AI Feedback on your poem

Interested in feedback on your poem? Try our AI Feedback tool.
 

 

If You Need Support

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741