as i lay awake at night
in the light of the street lamps
when everyone else is asleep
and the only sound i can hear is my own thoughts
i wonder if anyone would care
if i just disappeared
if i left without a trace
if i simply vanished into thin air
does anyone care?
silently, i get up
and out of bed
i turn on my light and search
not quite sure for what
maybe some peace of mind?
maybe something to ease the pain?
and then im reminded
im reminded that i can't escape the pain
im reminded that there is no escape
from this terrible, lingering feeling
that something is wrong
that i simply don't matter
and so, as i pick up the blade, i wonder
does anyone care?
would anyone care if this blade were to hit my skin in just the right place?
but, i put it down
because i know that
there are many people that need me to stay
so i turn off the light
and i wander back over to my bed
and try my hardest to fall asleep
i wake up that morning
and walk downstairs
i walk into the kitchen, and search for something
something to keep me busy
something to distract myself from the terrible, lingering feeling
but then my mind reminds me
i may be hungry, but i don't need to eat
i don't need food, i need to lose weight
so i walk back out of the kitchen
and check my phone
only to see that
last night i was needed by someone
so i quickly make sure that person is alright
and they are
so finally, i have some peace of mind
and im reminded
that someone would care
and that it may seem lonely now,
but things will get better in the end
and i will find help
so im able to stay for one more day