Was it the rush of adrenaline that courses through my body
that makes me want you more
Or How stupid happy the feeling of joy addiction has brought me
and the feeling of knowing
that you’ll always be there for me
which at times kind Of makes me feel at ease

The feeling of joy that takes place every time you’re near
The open bottle pills, the IV’s,
all scattered across the bedroom floor,
the bottle of liquor, and powdered crack
that surrounds me as I lay in bed high and loss of sense

faintly hearing my old teachers voices in my head
telling the class
“Don’t ever do drugs”
yet here I lay disobediently satisfy and high

thinking…
thinking of how I felt when he held me
the kisses that he plants on my forehead
that gave me a sense of security
which at times reminds me of the sense of security
I feel when the elastic band straps my arm
tightly as I gave another dosage

Hearing...
hearing my mother’s voice faintly in my head
telling me, reminding me
“having a boyfriend at a young age would be a distraction from my education”
yet here I lay thinking of the comfort he brings me
and with an elastic band around my arm disobeying both my mother and teachers