on depression (explicit)
I sit here quietly
And my eyes go dead again
And I am in this house too much
And hold on a minute because I'm drowning
And nevermind I'm fine I just needed
A snatch of music
A lyric to embroider
Onto the surface of my
Rotting cracked heart
Something to get me through the day
Because I'll be even worse when school starts again
For fuck's sake I was crawling to the finish line
This time last year
And I used to think I could escape it by cutting it out of my veins
I used to think but I never got brave enough to try
I know better now
I know that it hides in my body and lays atop the deepest parts of my bones
And it settles there like a ghost made of bridal whites and lace
And I think about him sometimes, too
And how I hate him
But not really
Because I will always love him more
And I try not to slip down the hole
Because it's so much easier to fall down the rabbit hole
Than it is to sit and the top and stare at the sky