Demons and Desperation
I’ve been desperate before
Copy- pasted a few lines
Tried to have fun once
Tried to be fine
Tried to be nothing like
What you expect me to be
I say I’m running from demons
When the real demon is me
And it’s hard to run from something
That is so close to home
On my own
Surrounded by caution tape and cones
Damaged, alone
And you call me real
When inside
I feel
Like my conscious collides
With the plastic
I coated through and through
To cover up what
I hate
About society and you
And how much of that is in me
How much I control
You’d be surprised
What I do
To keep it all whole
To show I have a clue
About the rights and wrongs
Blacks from whites
Dark, light
And the grey in between
You’d be surprised
To see
How much grey is in me
Picture perfect
With scars on my face
Edited out
No trace
Of the imperfection that’s laced
And the hate
Behind the smile
And the lies
Behind “OK”
And the demons
I run from
Still stuck inside me
Bored and tired
Of the same old routine
Apologizing for being
What society made me to be
Laced with pain
All the same
An act
To show a being
Other than myself
If only I had the gut
To write the secrets
And the health
To stay up all night
And make it all okay
Apologize a thousand times
For the mystery
People see me as together
People see me as real
When the realest thing about me
Is the time that I kneel
And pray
For something greater than me
To take my sins far away
To make me forget
To take away the pain
‘But it won’t ever happen’
Is what He told me
‘The greatest lesson of all
Is learning from mistakes
Learning not to take
To steal
To lie
To fall for a guy
To let yourself go
To let yourself cry
About stupid shit
Like your life is fine
The demons are you
They’re all in your mind
And there’s change
If you dare
If you are aware
Of the imperfect lives
Everywhere
And you’re here
Privileged and loved
Always hugged
Always above
The wrong
Don’t even dare cry
Desperation at times
Reveals who one really is
Don’t be desperate
Don’t let go
Don’t ever show
What you’ve coated in gold
Fake it ‘till you become it
Fake it ‘till you get it
Fake it ‘till the whole world
Is beheaded
And baffled by the perfect
Baffled by the plastic
Baffled by the world
In your hands’ and
I say
‘Sorry sir, but no- can- do
What I got is that
The real sinner is you
You made me like this
You made me with a purpose
And my purpose
Is to lose it
To never be worth it
To pain over the scars
To break picture perfect
To show the whole world
I AM NOT WHO YOU THINK
I am as fake as the makeup
On every girl’s cheek’
And with that I get up
And walk out of the room
All to come back soon
And again hear the croon
About my imperfections
All on me
On my conscious
To be hidden and unseen
By only myself
And my heart
And the guilt
That ferments
I guess hiding is a start
But I want to break free
Be someone nobody
Expected me to be
Be badass
Be defying
But be real
And fight my own fights
I guess
I just want to be caught
By my demons inside