Demons and Desperation

I’ve been desperate before

Copy- pasted a few lines

Tried to have fun once

Tried to be fine

Tried to be nothing like

What you expect me to be

I say I’m running from demons

When the real demon is me

And it’s hard to run from something

That is so close to home

On my own

Surrounded by caution tape and cones

Damaged, alone

And you call me real

When inside

I feel

Like my conscious collides

With the plastic

I coated through and through

To cover up what

I hate

About society and you

And how much of that is in me

How much I control

You’d be surprised

What I do

To keep it all whole

To show I have a clue

About the rights and wrongs

Blacks from whites

Dark, light

And the grey in between

You’d be surprised

To see

How much grey is in me

Picture perfect

With scars on my face

Edited out

No trace

Of the imperfection that’s laced

And the hate

Behind the smile

And the lies

Behind “OK”

And the demons

I run from

Still stuck inside me

Bored and tired

Of the same old routine

Apologizing for being

What society made me to be

Laced with pain

All the same

An act

To show a being

Other than myself

If only I had the gut

To write the secrets

And the health

To stay up all night

And make it all okay

Apologize a thousand times

For the mystery

People see me as together

People see me as real

When the realest thing about me

Is the time that I kneel

And pray

For something greater than me

To take my sins far away

To make me forget

To take away the pain

‘But it won’t ever happen’

Is what He told me

‘The greatest lesson of all

Is learning from mistakes

Learning not to take

To steal

To lie

To fall for a guy

To let yourself go

To let yourself cry

About stupid shit

Like your life is fine

The demons are you

They’re all in your mind

And there’s change

If you dare

If you are aware

Of the imperfect lives

Everywhere

And you’re here

Privileged and loved

Always hugged

Always above

The wrong

Don’t even dare cry

Desperation at times

Reveals who one really is

Don’t be desperate

Don’t let go

Don’t ever show

What you’ve coated in gold

Fake it ‘till you become it

Fake it ‘till you get it

Fake it ‘till the whole world

Is beheaded

And baffled by the perfect

Baffled by the plastic

Baffled by the world

In your hands’ and

I say

‘Sorry sir, but no- can- do

What I got is that

The real sinner is you

You made me like this

You made me with a purpose

And my purpose

Is to lose it

To never be worth it

To pain over the scars

To break picture perfect

To show the whole world

I AM NOT WHO YOU THINK

I am as fake as the makeup

On every girl’s cheek’

And with that I get up

And walk out of the room

All to come back soon

And again hear the croon

About my imperfections

All on me

On my conscious

To be hidden and unseen

By only myself

And my heart

And the guilt

That ferments

I guess hiding is a start

But I want to break free

Be someone nobody

Expected me to be

Be badass

Be defying

But be real

And fight my own fights

I guess

I just want to be caught

By my demons inside

Comments

Additional Resources

Get AI Feedback on your poem

Interested in feedback on your poem? Try our AI Feedback tool.
 

 

If You Need Support

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741