Maybe I just need to flood my brain with you

Maybe I need to start thinking the way you do 

Maybe I just need to leave my door open at night

So that the monsters can crawl in

With you in tow

Maybe I need to talk more

Maybe I just need to open up more

I remember when I had the poster

Ripped up

Mangled

At my feet

And you asked me,

“What do you feel”

Less of a question, and more of a statement 

You knew I felt

You know I feel

We forget that sometimes

We forget to feel

We forget to let each other feel

And I apologize for not letting you experience what you need

Ive always been a big believer in the thought that parents should let their children experience life and make mistakes for themselves 

Not be so controlling

I’ve become the one thing I hate

I have become your mother

And not the mother to you that I was a year ago

The mother that Maren is to you

I have become self-hating and I have taken it out on you

I have begun to want not what is best for you in the long run, like I should

I have begun to worry and fret over things that you do

Things that will be gone and done with a month from now

Things that don't matter

I have forced you to end your childhood

To move up

To become my shadow

But you don't deserve that

You deserve a friend, a mother, and a sister

I can be all three

I just choose one over the others lately

I want to become the friend again 

I want to be the big sister you deserve

I want to say that I'm sorry

For every sour look

Every petty comment

Every single thing that I have said or done

To hurt you

I know that we belong together 

I know that we are with each other in every universe

I know that in one universe we are cats running around together

In one we are the sun and the moon, changing places every day

In one, I know that we are employees working at the same shitty place together

In one we are friends in elementary school who find each other later in life and never leave each other's side again

I know that in another universe we are a snail and a grasshopper, not giving a care in the world and living in the trunk of an old oak together

I know that no matter what universe we are in, we will always choose to be with each other

We will always choose to be together

 

I know that I will always choose to be with you