Dear self,

    Sometimes I wonder what you are going through. Are you okay, is everything going to be okay if you are not okay?  Sometimes I wonder do you know how you feel and why you are feeling that way? At times, I can not tell if you are upset or if you are happy, you give signs that show you are happy, but your face shows that something is really bothering you. Is it the boys? The girls you once were friends with who turned on you or you turned on them? Is it school? Is it your parents and your brothers? What is it? Sometimes I ask myself, at times do I know what is really wrong with me. Regardless of what it is, are you going to be okay? Are you going to be able to handle and find a way to deal with what you are facing? Are you going to turn to god to help you get through it?

    Do you know what it is like to have to deal with everything? To have to figure everything out yourself because you are afraid to go to someone else about your problems due to past experiences? Do you turn to god when you have no one else? Sometimes I think myself, is god really there? Is he really going to listen to me and not turn on me like people in the past have? Will he understand? Yeah,  I know it has a lot to do with faith, but is it really there?

    I know times are tough, trying to get through the social awkward phase of being a freshman in college, trying to find yourself, dealing with the pain of your parents, more so your mom. I know it is hard to try to understand why the friends you had aren’t there anymore, the boys that you liked didn’t turn out to be how you thought they would be and you still care for them even though it hurts. I know it’s hard to let go of things when people would always tell you, give them a chance, they’ll come around and they never do. It’s hard not knowing or understanding someone's’ reasoning for leaving or acting out in such ways. At times, you just have to learn to accept the fact of not knowing or understanding, maybe it’s for the good at times, even though it’s burning to know. Maybe this is god listening to you, maybe he’s trying to protect you from truly knowing the truth that could end up destroying you, maybe all of this is God trying to help you. Maybe this is his way of showing that yes times are hard, but you're not alone because he is here with you, even though you may not see it or feel it at times, but just because times are hard right now, doesn’t mean they won’t get better.

    You will be okay, you will learn to just let go without hesitation. Always remember, God is there for you when times are easy, but also when times are hard. Just cheer up buttercup, you got this. I believe in you. Love you girly

Breezy Bre,