Dear Rapist/First Love

We met back in 9th grade

It seemed like we were the perfect match

You made me feel things I haven't felt before

We're both Capricorns

We have the same birthday

We had so much in common

You understood me like no other

You did everything in your power to make me feel special

Everything in your power to make me feel protected

Then you all of a sudden cheated and left me for another girl

To this day the thought of that makes me hurl 

We were off and on until the end of Junior year

As much as we wanted to be together 

We didn't work

You were the oil

I was the water

We wanted to love each other

Or maybe we just wanted to have sex

Maybe our attraction was just too strong to leave each other be

Second semester of our Junior year, April 18th

Was the day my life changed forever

We finally had our day

To finally get what we wanted in the first place

I changed my mind

You weren't gentle

You weren't careful

My very first time.. you were brutal

"Stop, stop, stop, that hurts! I don't want this!" I screamed

I was fighting back

Screaming

Crying

Having a panic attack

Hoping that you would stop

Then you said "Nah, I'm not stopping you just have to get used to it."

My body froze

I was in complete bewilderment 

Your grip got tighter as you started going harder

You said "Jae, I love you. Gimme kiss"

I was so disgusted

Love isn't supposed to feel like this

Love isn't forceful

Love isn't supposed to hurt like this

You pushed me into the wall so you didn't climax in me

As I could barely walk and was crying from the pain

You laughed

You didn't care

You got what you wanted and you bounced

If I knew this would happen I would've never let you into my heart

I would've never took you back every single time

I would've never apologized for things that wasn't my fault

I hated myself for so long

Almost 10 months later I'm still dealing with the baggage that comes with it

Extreme ptsd

Extreme depression

Extreme anxiety 

Waking up out of my sleep from night terrors about you

Waking up to anxiety attacks

It's been so hard to love after that event

I don't even know who I hate more

Myself.... or you....

Dear Rapist/First Love

This is the damage that you have caused....

This poem is about: 
Me
Poetry Terms Demonstrated: 

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