Dear lovers,

Im sorry i haven’t been a good daughter

                                                Sister

                                                       Girlfriend

                                                                 lately

You see

You meant so much to me

But Ive been learning that love is like a tree

It grows from a tiny seed

The roots take to the soil

And coil

And grow strong

But I havent

You see

What i mean is that love has to be rooted deep

Not in the people you want

But in yourself

The only true person you need

I kept trying to stretch my branches over you

I kept trying to bloom for you

I kept trying to keep my heart beating for you

But i couldnt

Because i didnt love you

Because i didnt love me

You see

Im mostly sorry to me

For not taking time to give myself what i would need

You see

Ive been reflecting

I stare in the mirror and see the things

That made me, me

More than my mothers nose

More than my fathers eyes

I see the love  

you

My parents

Bestowed unto me

But the love i came to see

Was just constant arguing & Withholding custody

You told me who was the enemy

And soon i learned

That it was everybody

And I still cry at night

Because also bestowd upon me

More than my mothers cheating tendencies

More than my fathers switching personalities

Was the evil things youve exposed about one another

To me

To justify your dire needs

To show you truly were what was best for me

You see

They say that one rotten apple

ruins the barrel

My apple doesnt fall far from the twisted trees

My parents produced more fruits

but with different seeds

I run through orchards and pick whatever best suits me

You see

My brothers and sisters

I have failed in my thoughts

and my actions

In what I have done

And what I have failed to do

How I failed to tell you

Just how much I cherished you

And I ran away before I could help

On your biggest days

And advise you to a smarter way

You see

I think I know which path to take

Ive been down each loving mistake

Scribbling out the memory

Of each boy’s heart

That I didnt mean to break

You see

Each of them etched into my being

Burrowed in my memories

Burrowed into my pants

Before I had to chance

To decide if I was truly ready

You see

In the end i pushed them and you away

The only things that loved me

In my dire state

And you see

I look in the mirror

And I see a better me coax me nearer

Whispering like rustling leaves

Your time of self love is here

 

-love Mykael