Dear Grandma,

 

It’s been roughly a year and a half since you left,

Mom was never the same.

Uncle still sits in your room from time to time and tries to drink away the pain.

Now I miss and yearn for your guidance,

Hoping one day, you would show up with your nagging,

But all that awaits is silence and the sad memories dragging.

 

They say at first it is hard but slowly will get better,

Unfortunately, day by day, I feel as if I am slowly drifting away.

 

Family is not as close as we used to be,

Everyone is doing things to distract themselves.

Drinking, gambling, drugs, work, unstable conscience,

Life goes on, but I am stuck alone.

 

Many changes have happened, between relationships to illness,

Children born and die within the blink of an eye,

Your time is out, and all I ask for is forgiveness.

 

I still remember one promise I did not keep,

You made excuses for me to pay attention,

One after another I forsakenly agreed,

In vain, there was no action and results from my absence.

 

The promise was not about bringing you oranges,

The promise was not coming to see you,

The promise was not to spend time with you,

It is the weight of your being in my mind.

 

A year and a half may have hastily passed by,

But there is not a day that I can control my eyes.

One day I see what I want with ease, simplicity

The next day I sadden and cry, inconsistently.

 

Not cherishing what I have is my arrogance,

Regretting what I have already lost is my punishment.

May one day you find peace wherever you may be,

Just please don’t forget your granddaughter, that’s me.

 

Love Jannette N.