Dear Fortress,

Fri, 12/08/2017 - 17:28 -- argost

I see you’re in a relationship now, that much is true. I see that you’re happy, even though your favorite color is still blue. I see that your grades are good, and the college search is going just fine. But my friend, happiness is so subjective. You make the flaws in your life so hard to find. There may not be many, but there’s one in particular I want to address: the fear you’ve developed of drowning in distress. Every time you were with him your mind would always race. I am talking about the monster from before, not the new guy who has made your life a better place.

        When he complimented you, you saw storms in his eyes. You thought “This is the calm before the storm. Go. Run. Hide.” You disguised your fear behind that smile; the appearance of gratefulness on your face. You acted as though you’re thankful for his words, but in reality, you were thankful for the break. Then, as he pushed you down, you heard the thunder of your fate. You said “No.” but the sound of the storm seemed to drown you out. How could he go deaf to that sound? He ignored you with every touch and suddenly the rain became too much. You kicked, you scream, you tried to run away. But the storm engulfed you, he made you stay. He tried to remove any protection you had from the showers, despite your resistance, your fight. Just as seconds felt like hours, the very thing you craved felt impossible: flight. The rain filled your lungs, the power he had took away your will. The freedom to choose was stripped away, so you laid there, still.

        Now sweetheart, he didn’t rape you. He claimed you were crazy. But that feeling he gave you will never be hazy. He took away your safety, he took away your glee. He may not have taken your virginity but I’m trying to make you see, those nights spent in the shower crying and scrubbing away, the feeling of the insurmountable power he had over you that day. You didn’t deserve any of it, in fact you deserve much more. This new guy you have here tries so hard, he’s sweet to the core. He tells you you’re beautiful, compliments you every day. He makes you feels so safe and listens to everything you say. So let him in, break down those walls. Don’t search for storms, or wait for water to fall. Don’t reach for your umbrella, or tell him to walk away. Because every time he says, “Good morning, sunshine.” You’ll know every day with him is a wonderful day.  The love he has for you is true, so, please, let yourself love him too.

 

With love,

Abby

 

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