Dear Daddy,

My days are spent living in a shade of grey,

With a shadow lingering in my mind like a distant memory,

And a heaviness felt within the depths of my chest.

So close, yet so far away,

I remember your smell,

Your glistening teeth contrasted with your midnight ebony skin,

The dimples that circled your mouth and would carve out your smile,

Your booming laugh that bellowed through your stomach and would fill a room,

The long rides on hot summer days, as the ice cream would melt into the palm of my hand,

I remember the birthdays,

I remember the presents,

I remember the fights,

The long nights,

The day they took you away

I remember tailing the car,

Chasing the blue and red lights as they drove further into the night.

I remember waiting by the phone for that one call a day,

I remember not having enough money or food after you went away.

I remember when you came home,

I remember when you went back,

And I remember when you would repeat just that,

I remember being angry,

Then I remember being sad,

But mostly I remember the day that I lost you forever, dad.

My heart was heavy,

My eyes stayed low,

My soul had been crushed,

And my dreams felt lost.

I still called your phone every day,

Until the number finally gave way.

I leaned on mom,

Until I could not,

The world even took just that.

It did not care that you were not there,

On birthdays and holidays I still blankly stare.

The hole in my chest only grows larger;

As your case grows colder.

It has been over ten years daddy,

I still do not know who killed you,

Eight bullets ripped through your body that day,

You died in so much pain,

But nothing was done.

How am I ever supposed to move on?

But I get worse, daddy.

Here is what happened to mom.

 

Dear Mom

There is so much I would say,

If I knew the world would take you that day and especially in that way.

Superwoman,

Unbreakable,

Untamable,

I remember you coming home in the cover of night,

I remember you leaving early in the day after seeing me away,

I remember the softness of your hand,

The crazy coils on top your head,

And I remember when you would put me in the bed.

I remember when we would sing at the top of our lungs in the car,

With the music blasting so loud it could be heard afar.

I remember being in awe of your beauty,

Your beautiful caramel brown skin,

And big brown eyes.

I also remember your cries after daddy died.

You held me for hours,

I slept in your bed,

You gently kissed me on the head.

You made everything okay,

Until that day when the world took your spark away.

I remember you always working hard,

Even after getting hit by that car.

While she served no time for her crime, you never let that or anything change your mind;

I remember when doctors said “You will never walk again”,

And I remember how funny it was to watch them scratch their heads;

After you got up and climbed out of that bed.

I remember your strength as you fought through years of pain with only mild complaints.

I remember all the surgeries,

The tumor,

The accidents,

The setbacks,

The tears,

And I remember what killed you after so many years,

The pills.

They wore you down,

Made you sad,

Changed your mind,

And took everything you had.

Yet you were prescribed so many by those who didn’t care,

That this mother of two is losing her flare.

Always in pain and always so sad,

When you died I finally felt everything you had.

I am angry at the world who could careless that an injustice had been done;

That ended in your death.

I am angry at a system that throws pills at people and takes them away,

I am angry that you overdosed that day,

I am angry you were hit by a car,

And the woman who did it is living an amazing life so far,

I am angry you went to seek help,

Yet nothing was done,

And I was told that no one could have helped my mom.

I am angry that you were my world,

As I was yours,

And now you are gone.

Like you, I come from strength,

And I am prepared to fight for people like us, mama.

I will fight for the poor,

The downtrodden of society,

The young,

The old.

I will do so with passion in my heart,

And strength in my soul.

I will fight for people like you and daddy.

I will fight as you taught me

I will fight as you showed me,

I will fight and do what I can when I can,

I will fight

I will do so proudly,

I will finish my education,

I will help our community,

And I will use every skill and lesson I learned from you and daddy,

As I make you proud as a social worker.