Dear Best Friend
When we laugh together until we're snorting and wheezing
Looking crazy to anyone who glances at us
Or when you smile at me without saying anything
Those are the times when I want to say
Stop looking at me
Your smile is so pretty
Don't look at me that way
You don't know what it means to me.
Those times when we laugh ridiculously with each other
I get so ecstatic that I want to kiss you
But I’ll scare you and ruin our friendship.
I crave your company when we're apart.
I text you incessantly
Even though you seem busy and distant
Want your own space
And aren't as needy as I am.
I start feeling badly.
I know that I’m being annoying
But I still feel neglected.
I could ask other friends for company
But I want yours.
I feel like I love you more than you love me.
But maybe it’s my insecurity talking,
Because when I think of all you’ve done for me
You do care.
From your concerned looks when I’m feeling down
To your encouragement when I feel uncertain.
I’ve had trouble sorting through these feelings
Boiling it down to intense friendship
But doesn’t that sound like classic denial?
I’ve felt this before with another friend in the past
But it was fleeting.
This time is different
I’m getting more and more attached to you.
So many times
I’ve worried about my attraction towards you.
Do I like girls now?
Have I always been like this?
Am I really in love?
You don’t know what you put me through.
This is embarrassing to be honest.
If you ever read this
I wouldn’t want to face you.
I don’t want you to know about any of this.
For all I know you could have your suspicions
Because Lord knows how physically affectionate I am
But they should stay suspicions.
If you found out
I want to think you’d be understanding
But sometimes you can be unknowingly cruel.
What if you start avoiding me?
Shying away from my hugs?
I don’t think I could bear it.
But we’ll move on.
Next year we’ll be in college and drift from each other
And I’ll have time to figure myself out.
But it’s difficult to think that far down the road.
I’m thinking about how I am with you in the present.
I’m still trying to find myself.
I hope we can keep in contact in the future
Even though I know it’s unlikely.
Not to mention that you’re the worst texter.
I just want you to know that you’re important to me.
You’re my best friend.
I’ve had other best friends in the past
But you’re special.
Do I love you?
Do I love you romantically?
I hope we can meet again down the line
And catch up with each other.
Maybe I’ll even confess about how I felt in the past.
Maybe I’ll still love you.