12/7/2017

Dear Dad, 

I don't know if I believe in anything anymore.

Six years ago you died.

Six years ago I hypervenilated on the porch. 

With my cell phone in my hand and my best friend on the phone.

With tears on my face and rushed, harsh sentences that she could not understand.

Six years ago I woke up and it was not all just a dream. 

Six years ago my heart was aching and my brain was trying to comphrend the mess

but my brain was a swarm of wasps and my eyes were rain clouds 

My tongue was not my tongue

It was a boulder in my throat and the sun was not the sun

Six years ago you died

And six years ago I learned what trauma was

Six years ago I believed in a God that loved his children

But now I only believe that you are gone and you are not coming back

Six years ago you died

And six years ago a piece of me died with you 

Love always, your girl