I used to always cry my tears

Sometimes I still do even throughout the years

It’s not new, you’ve done this so long

 But if you thought I wouldn’t grow strong

You’re wronger than the opposite of right

I’ve lasted through every dark night

When there were monsters under my bed

None of them worse than the ones you put in my head

The ones the broke me down, just like you did

Pandora’s box lost its lid

But hope stayed in, and she grew strength

And she learned to keep you at arm’s length

Not to let you get close, because it would only hurt her

She chose to never trust you, not to love you, no sir

Because she learned how to see in polychrome

No more of the black, white, and red monochrome

But she is me, she has been for a couple of years

And I’ve hated you every time you’ve appeared

But I’ve written about the hatred, though it could fill many pages

I’m not here to talk about my darkest ages

I’m here to talk about the times you left me internally dying

And the one time you left me entirely, but I was never crying

I was happy, I wouldn’t have to see you, to smell you in the room

Happy I wouldn’t have to bury my emotions in a tomb

And I can finally express this, finally, I can speak

Even though I’m crying, shaking, and letting out silent screams

I feel so strongly the ways I do, that I can hardly contain it

But as I try, this is the best way I can explain it

I’ve hated you for so long since I figured out who you truly were

The worst person I know, you wouldn’t even care, would you Monsieur?

That’s when I stopped coming back when I finally figured it out

You would never return the love I used to have, that’s who you’re about

You expect someone to love you when you are just a hating, soulless, bag of dirt?

I sure as f--- don’t think so, not when you’d just leave them hurt

Speaking of hurt, have you ever felt it? The pain of “loving” someone

When they don’t deserve it, when you’re better, and you should be done

But instead, you’re told that you should love them, just because they’re family

But you’re not, family doesn’t hurt you like that, hurting you so happily

Maybe I’m just naive, to think that maybe I deserve some love from my father

Maybe I’m just stupid to think you were capable of such a thing, loving another

And I truly, hate to be such a bother, but could you please just decide?

Do you want to leave and go away, or do you want to be part of my life?

Will you ever make a f---ing effort, to know or love your only daughter?

You want me to be someone else, but I’m not, I’m the artist and the author

The one who could draw you a picture with pencils or with words

And that picture is of a dark, frozen heart who can’t love anyone

But some days, I wonder who’s it is, is it mine or yours? Cold and alone

Because when I think of you that all I feel

But you’d never, ever know, because I’ve learned how to conceal

The pain, the hurt, the hate, the years I’ve spent broken, putting myself together

Grabbing what I can, tape, blue, anything I can use to tether

What I am, I’m still working on a few pieces left, but they are coming back

But my empathy, something I have always had, is sometimes lack

Because for some reason, I can forgive everyone for hurting me except for you

Maybe it’s because of the severity, or maybe cuz it’s never something you never tried to undo

The hurt has been there so long, it’s developed into something darker

The deepest, darkest emotion there is, darker than the black of a sharpie marker

The true emotional representation of black

The one from which it’s so hard to come back

Especially for you, because you hurt me so God d--- f---ing bad

But can you tell me, please tell me, please, why dad?

 (Image and poem credits to myself)