"Curious"

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If I said I didn't miss you, I'd be lying. But my heart has grown as cold as an igloo, and I'm trying to keep from crying over my feelings that are dying within that Eskimo house of snow and personally I don't know which is better; To have never have had you, or to have had you...and let you go. Let's go.

It's crazy cause girl, we were so perfect. Marriage? An expensive wedding ring? My life committed to you? T'was TOTALLY worth it. But I don't see why you had to ask me to hit the brakes causing the mature but painful break in what we had and I tried to hold it in sooooo bad, cause I was honestly glad to do what made you happy but, was it fair that to do that would be to leave my heart feeling all crappy? Now I don't mean to be all sappy, but I definitely believe I gave you every part of me. And I honestly never thought you'd depart from me, but now I'm tryna cope with what I have, and my heart feels funny cause there's this new hole that had just grown so used to you being there to fill it. It's sorta like having what you want right in front of you, but not close enough to grab.

I'm sorry. I'm really happy for you, okay? I'll attend your wedding one day and all I'll say is I hope you're eternally happy and he can display a love to you that I could never repay. I'll bury all these memories I have been holding on to in hopes of one day getting back with you. I'll seal these envelopes of love letters I've been writing for your hypothetical arrival back into my heart. And then I'll burn them. I'll love you, always. But I'll refuse to interfere with and tear or split your new husband and family who will adhere....Wait! I'm sorry, but I gotta let this all out first. And I don't even care if my next words show signs of thirst. If I keep them to myself, things could get worse. So let me start my next verse with these enticing words;

Do you remember when we were the only two people in the world? I being the only guy, and you my one and only girl? It was like Adam and Eve all over again. I remember then. I had no doubt in my mind God gave you to me Himself, and I never failed to ask Him for help on treating you right, which you claim was done to the point where you were always elated, so imagine how devastated I was when I heard your feelings faded and your love for me had deflated.

You know...I always wonder what could've been. And I'll always wonder what could've been. Never had I experienced such perfection within a relationship. Maybe it's cause we had finally made each other our world, but managed to keep "The Son" in the center of our solar system. Although our feelings fell out of orbit, maybe it was God's plan. So I guess I understand why you're no longer in my future the way I would like for you to be. You know, as my wife to be. But it does make me feel some type of way that I won't ever meet the kids we planned to have some day...

My feelings for you are like a beast that I'm trying to put to sleep and keep from you, but a few bird tweets are all it takes for this monster to awake-n, and, if you really wanna see the monster go loco, just put up another Instagram photo. I don't mean to be another one of your fans, but man, you'll never understand how absolutely beautiful you are. And you're basically a star now though you tryna deny it, it's just something you can't succeed at hiding. You got both genders riding you and confiding too calling you boo and wishing they were in the same position I once had in your life but I guess the time wasn't right cause...well, things went left and now look at what I'm left with....I think I'm done. Tried my best to spill out all the emotions I've been feeling about you lately. May not be be able to call you my baby, but maybe I'll finally find the strength to completely let go and let it die. And if it's God's will for us, He will have what we had revived and we will survive...but if not, it's okay. I won't be at all furious. After all, I was just a bit curious...

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