People sit up and worry about the times when i do cry

.....in public that is

Little do they know I cry every night

 

Feeling the tears sink deep into my pillow

As do my heartaches into my heart

As I start to mellow out

 

Out comes the pain

As it keeps me up at night

 

I'm 17 and with more problems

then a fat women with extra cellulite

 

I go through all the thoughts

That rack my head

As I sit there thinking in my bed

 

Starting from the beginning 

When I was 3

When my childhood was taken from me

 

Innocense broken as my cousin touched me

Breaking my inner child that sat on a shelf 

inside my small body

 

Moving to the constant hate I recieved as a child

Wishing I could quit school in only the third grade

 

Going home crying because i was teased 

For being fat 

 

Only to go home and recieve the same

treatment from my very own family

Grandmother and cousins alike

Pointed their fingers and displayed their dislikes

 

As I slowly moved along to the times when i was 8

Constantly wishing that i were dead

I vividly remember tying the belt

Around my adolescent neck and preparing to jump

 

When all of a sudden my saviour came

She held me in her arms, as we cried together

 

My favorite aunt through thick and thin

Lil Jackie who understood me till the end

 

If it wasn't for her, there would be no me

if she hadn't saved me, I wouldn't have written my first verse

 

I fast forward into now

Dealing with all my heartaches

 

My first love, thinking she was a true dove sent by God

There to mend my broken heart

 

But alas that chapter has closed

I was wrong, she was sent to teach me a lesson

a lesson that not all love is good, or worth the time

 

Still feeling no acceptance amongst my own fam

Only because I'm a little different 

 

Mother constantly trying to change me

when she should have been trying to embrace me

and find out who i came to be 

I am Aliyah Gervais Johnson

 

And through the stressful heartaches that I call my life, I still find

my strength to go on and see another day

 

I know that God wouldn't give me anything I couldn't handle

Because he gives his toughest battles to his strongest warriors..