When did everyone's problems become mine?
A week before, I was just a friend and not a counselor
I was a kid with a smile and shoulder to offer
I just didn't know that everyone would want it for their resting place or their tears
The first time was sad, but I said I was strong - I can handle it, it's okay
His name is Jeffrey.
I know you warned me not to date him
I know you said it was a bad idea
But now I'm here to tell you it wasn't a bad idea
It was the worst one.
He climbed in my window last night while I was asleep
And he held me down to my dirty sheets
But who will believe the school whore if she talks about the boy next door?
The second time I was weighed down, but I promised I'd stand - I'll take your pain, don't cry
I try so hard, I really do
It's just that sometimes everything is just too much
My parents focus on my little brother
Sometimes I think that he's okay, but sometimes I know he's not
He's in a wheelchair now
And I can't ask my parents for help on my math
I swear I pray and come to God
But sometimes my skin prays to my knife and my knife comes to my skin
The third time I was afraid, but I looked darkness in the eyes - I won't leave you, I swear
I trusted him, you know
I thought he was a really good guy
So when he invited me over, I said okay
I just didn't know I'd be forced to stay
He kept me in the closet with his daughter
She was nine
He'd drag us out when he wanted and threw us back in when he was done
Sometimes he would feed us but never enough
I'd usually give mine to my best friend in that closet
But one day she couldn't accept
Because pregnant with her father's child, she was dead
And I was so angry and scared
He left the closet unlocked and I saw his gun
I put it in my mouth
But he came back
I pointed it at him but my hands shook
So I shot him in the foot
When the police came, I was gone
But he was there and so was my dead best friend
He's going to die tomorrow for what he did to her
But I'm afraid that I'll never be able to tell anyone about who she was
Instad of a victim of a father who was
The fourth time I was broken, but I used a staff to keep myself up - I said hit me, it won't hurt
The police arrested me for something I didn't do
I was with my friends at the school
When they came asking about the words on the walls
I didn't do it, couldn't have
The words were too old for could haves
But they hauled me away for plastering walls
That hadn't been touched
And I remember crying and thinking
Would they have believed me if I was white?
The sixth time I was falling apart, but I held myself together - I said I'm here 'till I die, come here
I know people can be mean
I'm used to it, I can honestly say
But I look in the mirror and I see nothing
Nothing but rolls and fat and ugly
I know I should eat
And I know I shouldn't cut
And I know I should speak up
But everytime I get somewhere
I see myself in the mirror
And I know that it's not other people that are mean to me - It's just me
The sixth time I couldn't see through my tears, but I looked up - I said God, please help me
I have so many friends
And I love them all dearly
But what am I supposed to do for them?
Their stories all touch me and break me and bend me
I try so hard but it's like nothing I can handle
Why can't I fix the world for them?
Why can't I make everything better?
Because they come to me time and time again
And they hand me their weights to haul on my back
But what am I if I can't make a sound?
I'm useless and I can't understand the world's hate
And God stood in all his glory and touched my heart - God said My child, let me take the weight
And he took my weight
And I could stand
And then he said Now that that's done, why don't you tell me your story?