Confessions of a Wallflower
I want to write and have important things to say
but my desire to reveal and my need to hide
wage war in my mind
with no successful victor
thoughts fall empty
words fail to appear
in moments of need
braced teeth bite lips
I’m alone, not always lonely
though that feeling creeps in
I yearn to be opaque
seen
heard
known
but more often than not
my quiet demeanor
transforms me to transparency
the paper dolls that surround me
walk right through me
live without me
I don't care for their lies
scarred backs
frivolous conversations
wrong assumptions
but I can’t say it doesn’t sting
the thing I fear the most
is that those who aren’t paper-thin
still don’t notice my presence
don’t feel my absence
some days I wish for a flood
to rip through everything
tear apart my insecurities
carry away the false pretenses
masks and pedestals
rid us all of insincerities
I drown my thoughts
with the words of strangers
living in worlds of fantasy
and alternate realities
feeling fictitious feelings
thriving in this wonderland
happy
neither alone nor lonely
for solace is found among the words I love
unfolding their hidden stories
discovering secrets concealed inside
lingering on the imaginations
made up of letters
carefully constructed
across the worn pages
their musk masking doubt
a sweet serene scent
my beautiful salvation