The Color Gray
Today I have done what many have done.
Today I have died while still breathing.
Although seemingly impossible I now know how true this fate can be.
I’m numb, no feeling in my limbs.
The world has stopped around me.
My soul feels nothing.
I am emptiness.
I look around and the world is nothing but a blurry shade of colors, mostly gray.
Funny, I’ve always liked the color gray.
Found it peaceful and warming oddly enough.
It reminded me how the world was full of possibilities, nothing truly Black or White.
Now it has made my world foggy, nothing being clear anymore.
Even when some things should be.
Like my name.
Something set in stone until the memories of me fade away.
I hear it and do not realize I am the one being mentioned.
I am emptiness.
I am the gray foggy hue that is now my world.
Inside I feel only a numbness where emotions should be.
I look around, and feel as if I’m in a never ending dream.
Is life even real?
Am I really a human being?
Or is this moment flooding through my head as I lie on my deathbed, seemingly years from now, this one moment.
When will I relive those good memories then if that is the case?
What is the future from this momentary memory, or the present from this state like for me?
In the end was I finally something?
Did the color gray become warm again?
Did the emptiness go away?
Did I actually feel emotions one last time before I died for the second time?
Was it painful?
Or did I just feel numb when I finally died the real way?
Today I died while still breathing, but tomorrow I’ll get to live again.
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