Coffee and Cigarettes
He was surprised
That I was drinking coffee
Like it was this new thing that made
No sense to him
And I wondered if we were going to spend
The entire two hours talking about the fact
That I like coffee
Because we ran out of things to talk about
When I wore my hair in pigtails
And he drove a Volvo
Now he drives a Honda
And I drink coffee
And he’s still going on about how bad it is for me
Coffee and cigarettes
Like because I’m addicted to caffeine
I must also be addicted to nicotine
But see I don’t smoke because
I’m not the biggest fan of cancer.
So I’m staring at his mouth
Moving like a vacuum
Sucking all of the “I miss you”
Out of the room
Wondering what I should tell him
Wondering if he deserves to know anything
About the things that I was writing
Tucked into my bedroom
Composing nonsensical prose
Like a ten year old composes concertos
Or about the boy
In the oversized red sweater
Who makes my lungs grow legs
And run circles around my heart
But all he’s saying is coffee this
And coffee that
And I'm wondering if I'm going to have to explain to a grown man
That people change
Even if it's just to drink coffee.
Even if it isn't.
Coffee and cigarettes
Like they go together
Because he was a smoker
And she was a smoker
And she also drank coffee
And I drink coffee
And it means I've changed
It means I'm not 7 years old
Like the last time he talked to me
And I'm tempted to remind him
That at my age
He was addicted to worse
But then it doesn't matter
Because an addict is an addict
And everyone is addicted to something.
Even if it's just coffee
Even if it's not
Even if it's an addiction to laying in bed and eating cake and binge watching netflix. Because I think I'm addicted to that too, and I'm tempted to tell him so.
But it wouldn't really matter
Because I'm still drinking coffee
And he's still talking about it
and outside it's started to snow
And it's ironic because it's May
And he hasn't seen snow in a year
And I saw snow last week
And Colorado is addicted to snow.
So what
I'm addicted to caffein
And netflix
And staring at the door
Because people
Like him
are addicted to leaving
And maybe one day I'll be addicted to nicotine
Coffee and cigarettes
Even though I'm not the biggest fan of cancer.