Sometimes you wonder

After a morning of waking up to the sunshine

Or a day spent with friends

Or an afternoon of light reading

Or an evening watching your favorite movies from childhood

That maybe

Just maybe

The dark cloud that’s been following you for months

Has finally disappeared

Has left you alone

Has set you free from its confines

Perhaps you can smile again

Maybe laugh

Maybe cry

Maybe say I Love You and mean it more than you ever have before

You think maybe

Just maybe

You’ve found your ray of sunlight

But then it hits you

Like a car out of nowhere

Like a slap in the face

Like an insult from a dear friend

That that cloud is never going away

That you are its pet

Its toy

Its game to play

That you will never be free

You will always be sad

And lonely

And scared

And anxious

You will never be truly happy

Because being truly happy was never meant for you

It was meant for someone else

Someone who loves themselves

Who loves others

Who loves books

Who can smile and laugh and sing and dance

That someone is not you

Nor will it ever be.