When you died

I did not cry

I stood there stone faced

As they put you in your grave

I thought I had to be strong

To hold the family’s weight on my shoulder

Protecting them from all the pain

 

I held it all in

Putting on a brave face

I thought I did what you would have done

Everyone thought I was fine

But on the inside I was broken

My heart was shattered into pieces

Barely staying alive

 

I cried myself to sleep every night

I thought I didn’t even do enough

At night I would hurt myself

Trying to numb the pain I felt inside,

Bringing it outside

Blaming myself for you being gone

 

I couldn’t handle it anymore

I broke

Broke and cried broke

Until I cried my eyes dry

Still slowly healing

But I know you’re here holding me

You’re always by myself

I sense you near me

Until the day I die.