I’m not a line, nor a wave, I’m more like a circle.

I’m pansexual.

I don’t see specifics like

man, woman, agender, genderqueer, transgender,

I fall in love with no gender.

 

But no, don’t mix that up with bisexual or polyamory,

that doesn’t make me greedy and

don’t tell me I’m confused

because I’ve come to abuse

words like gay, faggot, lesbian,

when the boys in my 6th grade science class

would use them as insults, jokes,

and I buried any labels that I could possibly file myself under.

Don’t tell me “it’s just a phase,”

because even my 11 year old self refused to take

“I didn’t mean gay like it was a bad thing”

as an answer when I called out those boys

for using the word with the wrong tongue.

I wondered deep down that maybe if I was straight

I could stop this self hate from growing any bigger,

and their words wouldn’t strike me with a blow like no other.

 

June 26th, 2015

When same sex marriage was legalized in the US

I thought of circles.

What goes around comes around,

But the boys from 6th grade would not sit down.

For a moment I believed that it was about time,

for people to leave the closet

and expect the world to accept them with open arms.

Except it isn’t

No, not when those kids calling each other gay

are the ones changing their facebook and snapchat filters

to the rainbow flag to be

allies, allies, allies,

what lies you must be spewing if you can change your filter,

but fail to filter the ignorance out of your vocabulary,

and the way you remain silent when words like

dyke and fag are thrown around and you do nothing but sit and stare.

 

When did you know you were gay?

So do you have a girlfriend?

How do your parents feel about your sexuality?

Don’t make me validate my love.

Because in a world where

people are color blind to the spectrum of sexuality

and being straight is the “default”,

when it isn’t your fault

we were born this way,

it’s hard.

 

I am not a line, nor a wave, I am a circle.

I want to be whole, and yes,

maybe same sex marriage is official on paper

but I wish for the day my parents will accept me

like the roundness of their wedding rings,

circles,

and the day everyone can feel whole, again.