I'm sick of the past holding me captive

I hate all of the paranoia

I sit and think of the things I would say to you if I ever got the chance

I constantly practice all of the things I would get off of my chest

After all of these years I still get no apologies, no sorries, no begging for forgiveness

I'm a different person now

I'm stronger and smarter than before

And still your words cut like a dull blade through my veins

The memories of what you did hunts me in my dreams

I'm sick of the past holding me captive

You hurt me in ways you could never understand

You took away my ability to trust and to love

You robbed me of a real childhood or a chance at a healthy life

You scared me in a number of ways

I hate all of the paranoia

I dont hate you, tho I do despise you and all that you are

You hurt and ruined plenty of lives and never once looked back

I wish I could tell you how you make me feel

I want to tell you about the fear you made me live in

I sit and think of the things I would say to you if I ever got the chance

I want scream and yell, I want to make you understand

Part of me cries and pleads for your grip on me to leave

The other part is full of anger and rage

I'm ashamed that I never spoke up

I constantly practice all of the things I would get off of my chest

In my mind I have laid out many scenarios of what could happen

I want to hear you beg for my forgiveness but I don't think i can stomach seeing you again

So I sit and  think of how you would react to hearing my emotions, but still..

Thats all in my head, those conversations never happened

After all of these years I still get no apologies, no sorries, no begging for forgiveness