First it’s calm

Everything is quiet and warm,

But all that has to be done to remove that calm,

Is as simple as a flick of a switch.

 

Somebody says something,

And suddenly you’re thrown into so many emotions all at once. 

Ones that you’ll never be able to recognize,

Sadness.

Anger.

Anxiety.

Panic.

Sometimes you feel all of them at once.

And all you are is numb.

 

“Show some emotions! Man just show some–”

The boy who said that to me paused.

He looked up at me,

His eyes filled to the brim with tears.

Insomuch that it looked like the light inside them drowned.

As he stepped closer to me,

 

I started to notice how his face looked a lot like mine,

Slowly and slowly,

The little boy walked closer to me,

And I realized,

That we were the same person,

All that was different was that he was younger than me.

 

“Why are you so calm?” he asked me,

Looking into my eyes,

Longing for an answer.

 

“I got hurt for so many years, that now I just expect it.”

The boy rushed forward to me,

And he hugged me.

 

That finally broke my wall of emotions,

Tears started to run down my face,

And my heart shattered.

The pain came in waves,

 

And the boy just sat there saying, 

“Just as much as you may feel the pain of everything all at once,

The things will slowly,

Slowly subside.

You’ll learn how to live with the demons that live relentlessly inside your head.”

 

He pulled me tighter,

And I felt at home,

At peace with myself for the first time in years.

 

Even though this peace will never last

We can slowly learn how to live with the peace and chaos,

That same peace and chaos that comes from the calm before the waves of emotions.