Bully Beatdown

 

 

 

I was doomed from the start

 

…Born

 

Torn apart

 

A dart through my heart

 

Self-hating Bogart

 

Some called me sweetheart

 

A princess, they said

 

Trying their best

 

To get into my head.

 

“Precious and kind

 

A knack for the rhyme

 

…What?

 

Are you, blind?”

 

(More like)

 

Drunk

 

on moonshine.

 

They were

 

Resigned

 

to find

 

my mind,

 

Destined headline.

 

Nevermind!

 

…I couldn’t hear it.

 

“You’re shit,”

 

Instead.

 

Dead

 

Somewhere inside.

 

And so,

 

I stood apart.

 

Alone.

 

…Ear phones

 

That shut out the lies

 

Growing despise

 

…Cyclone

 

Destined to roam.

 

No backbone

 

Begging to clone

 

To fit in.

 

How did I get this way?

 

I couldn’t say.

 

I was

 

Betrayed cliché

 

Deejay,

 

…Sing that song,

 

Someday,

 

Someway

 

on this pathway

 

I never got to chose.

 

To lose

 

Confused,

 

…coo-coo!

 

Trying to defuse

 

Their hatred.

 

Paying dues in their boo’s

 

Taboos by the twos

 

I was

 

Missing my muse.

 

Looking for love

 

but

 

Frustrated and hated

 

Cold and jaded

 

I ran through the halls

 

Eating lunch in the stalls

 

Cause no one would sit with me

 

At lunchtime.

 

No hunch. No feelin’.

 

Head reelin.’

 

…Invisible

 

Glass ceiling

 

Stealing

 

Squealing and kneeling

 

For a moment

 

(just one)

 

...of healing.

 

But still…

 

I never fit in

 

Double chin

 

Trade-in, turn-in, weigh-in

 

Do-over tailspin.

 

Four-eyes,

 

Big thighs,

 

Plus sized

 

Retry

 

Spit at by guys.

 

Brown eyes

 

Not blue

 

Never blue

 

I never belonged

 

(Not to you)

 

Prolonged longing

 

For one thing -

 

Belonging…

 

But…

 

“You ain’t shit!”

 

…Ding dong!

 

Wrong!

 

‘Cause one day, indeed

 

As princesses do

 

I met my Prince Charming

 

Out of the blue

 

He rode to me

 

not on white steed

 

But in a pick-up truck

 

Wheel-deep in muck.

 

Asked me to dance

 

Told me

 

Nay was I doomed

 

Just needed to bloom

 

We’d live together

 

forever

 

Never to part.

 

He loved, he said,

 

The taste of my heart.

 

(I hardly believed him)

 

But

 

I began to write

 

Hand in hand with my muse

 

How could I refuse?

 

And oh…

 

I wrote up a sight

 

All through the night

 

I wrote in prose

 

Ignoring the ho’s, low blows

 

I composed

 

Bestowed upon myself a new grace

 

New face

 

Like a plastic surgeon of hearts

 

Bulldozing hate

 

I began to create

 

No debate

 

Flushing deadweight

 

Checkmate, back date, equate

 

Purging classmates

 

Who’d hurt me.

 

I wrote

 

Back my birthright

 

A downright dogfight

 

Under moonlight

 

By pen light

 

(It wasn’t polite).

 

But

 

I got my head right

 

And found

 

(Fight or flight)

 

My way

 

To a heart

 

that was whole.

 

That’s right, I stole

 

Patched up that hole.

 

And

 

Now I’m a mother

 

Touch my kid and die

 

Mutha…(bleep!)

 

Beauty is more than skin-deep

 

My love don’t come cheap

 

Get out of here, creep!

 

Outwit, outsmart, outplay

 

Repay, seize the day.

 

Head held high

 

To the sky, I’ll fly

 

No more tears shall I cry

 

For your lies

 

Disguise

 

Demise

 

I ignore your cries

 

My heart growing bold

 

Too hot to hold

 

No longer will I mold

 

My soul

 

My intentions

 

No longer for sale

 

Cutting hatred away

 

like a hangnail

 

I exhale

 

I prevail

 

Pass-fail

 

Cause

 

Now

 

No more

 

Will I be your whore.

 

You can detest me, protest me

 

Ask me to leave

 

But never again will I believe

 

I’m nothing

 

Or less than

 

Or something to shame

 

Because

 

I am woman

 

A wife,

 

Not a saint.

 

I’m

 

Somebody’s mother

 

Somebody’s lover.

 

I’m

 

Certainly flawed

 

But my flaws are my beauty

 

Father time’s duty

 

Nothing less, nothing more.

 

Bully, be gone…

 

I hear you no more

 

Your words are unwelcome

 

Swept out the door.

 

Bully, be gone…

 

But first?

 

Hear me roar!