Breathe in.

Pause.

Breathe out.

Pause.

Take in my surroundings,

Take a step forward I can do this I’ll be brave enough this time..

No no no take a step back I can't do this!

Curl into myself.

Trying

to give myself a pep talk,

I remind myself that Pooh Bear says you're braver than you believe.

I want to have the courage to do this.

I'm too scared.

Pooh doesn't know anything, anyway.

 

Turn around

and walk back.

Fall back into the abyss.

Maybe I’ll try again next year.

 

Take 2: I'm scared to do what I've always wanted.

Too scared to take control,

Take a chance,

Be fearless,

Make things happen.

I want my life to be beautiful,

I want adventure,

I want love,

I want God.

But when I see a chance, I run away.

I say that it’s someone else’s turn, not mine.

I make up every excuse to live inside this box.

 

They tell you

to be yourself.

But Me is a scared little coward that doesn’t believe in taking chances.

They don't tell you to be better than yourself.

You need to be though.

I have to be braver than myself.

I have to be better than myself.

Because the me they tell me to be would sit

in solitude and waste away by myself

relishing in someone else’s adventure in a book

rather than making myself be better than me

and making a life that matters.

 

I have to try again.

 

Breathe in breathe out take a step forward get scared AGAIN turn around and run from my fears.

What's the point?

Why did I want to try anyway?

Shrink back into myself and hide away.

Can’t step back out in the open

because look what happened when Bambi’s mom did that.

BAM.

She died.

 

If something magical is supposed to happen it'll come knocking on MY door,

I shouldn't have to search for it.

 

That's a lie.

No it's not!

Yes it is and you KNOW it.

Leave me alone.

Stop justifying your cowardice!

You wouldn't understand.

Actually I would. Because I'm you.

 

Fighting inside myself.

A battle between confidence and cowardice.

One fighting for hope, one fighting for control of a small comfort zone.

 

Follow your dreams,

they tell you.

But they don’t know

MY dreams follow ME but I don't follow THEM

And I sit around dreaming that one of these days one of those dreams

will poof itself into reality

but that never happens and I despair inside because

I sit here wasting my life

and I know that the truth is...

I'm doing this to myself.

 

I don’t want to fail again.

I have to stop telling myself that adventure starts tomorrow.

Take 77.

Take a step forward keep walking and just don’t stop I’ll close my eyes if I get scared but won’t stop walking

even if I walk off a cliff

because it’s better than

 

nothing.