she got hurt when she was 5 when she fell.
she was in her room alone,
pretending to be ruler of the skies
as she jumped off a cloud of comforters and pillows
onto a hard wooden floor where she slid and
burned her knee.
her father answered to he sounds of her cries
and he gave her a Band-Aid to put on herself.
she didn't understand the look of disappointment in his eyes as he walked away.
she go hurt when she was 7, when her bike lost balance.
as he handed her a screwdriver, dad said training wheels were for girls
and she needed to man up.
so she pried off the dented metal wheels
and relied on the two remaining to hold her up.
she gripped her skinned elbow as tears formed
not for the pain
but for the fact that she could feel her fathers disappointment
as he watched with crossed arms from the driveway.
she got hurt when she was 8
when boys fallowed her around at recess
making fun of he way she talked
and the way she cried...
they punched her
and threw her in the mud
calling her a fag...
teachers watched from afar in dismay
thinking to themselves that maybe this little boy needed a beating
to knock him out of this phase...
she got hurt when she was 10
when her father caught her with her sisters lipstick.
she just wanted to feel slightly beautiful in this body she didn't belong to
but he tore it out of her hands
calling her a pussy and slapping her across the face
screaming at the top of his lungs
that she had better man up...
she got hurt when she was 13 after she confessed.
she pleaded that her father understood it wasn't a phase
and that this body she inhabited
did not match her soul.
her father insisted she was too young to make that choice.
he threw a bible at her and told her he wouldn't have a son who was going to hell
he held her down as he buzzed her hair
and she let him
because inside she hoped for the sake of her fate
he was right and that shed become normal with a shaved head and Jesus.
she got hurt when she was 15 and she held a blade to her wrist.
she found it in her fathers tool box.
the triangular slip of metal glinted in the moonlight
and let her forget everything
let her be who she was
let her hide...
when the liquid emotions stained her wrist
she felt better
she got hurt when she was 16
forced to cover up her scars with jackets and jeans
trapped in a prison cell.
she was ignored
drowning in slamming lockers and grimaces in her direction.
she was just existing.
for the part of her that felt the need to hold on
was but a memory.
she got hurt when she was 17 when she fell.
however, this time she was caught by a rope
held up by a knot she learned to tie in boyscouts.