The Blue Pull

Jack of all trades, yet 

master of none

Is it better to have multiple people?

more places to go but nowhere to reside

As I wake up,I sift through myself

Fingers grace over the pages of my small book of persons,linger on a blank page

Dread pulls at my sleeve as I ignore it in neglectful mother fashion

I shake it off and finish my conversation

Not right now. I'm talking.

Yeah, that's what I thought. Yes,I'll make sure I do. It was good seeing you too. Goodbye.

Now what was it that I needed- And now

I remember everything. Even the memories that don't belong to me. And I  feel everything,even the things yet to exist. 

Dread grips my hand with that not like a child at all

I turn to pry him off of me- Goodness when did you get so big. I pull but now

I stare into every foggy    dead-blue haze I've ever entered in moments of stillness 

I bend under the weight of anticipated sadness.

My hand is released

It needs me no more. It can stand on its own. Lie on top of me and labor my breathing.

Push me into the cold that feels like morning soil

Heavy my eyelids with its showing of grey    water-stained futures 

The feeling is like that of frost bite without the sting of freezing

Just the knowing that you are

Sinking into a cold bed with an unfamiliar comforter that isn't comfortable at all in the slightest and

Why didn't I pull harder ?

I see my breath condense in the cold. 

I can pull myself up from this. Look away from this blue fog.

Suffocating is not inevitable.

I grow small,and flatten

But it is only to fill again,     with a breath.




















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