Blue blood in a life of leisure
Location
Sometimes I press my forefinger into the soft, underneath of my forearm
The milky white flesh is lined with blue
peeking through the translucent blanket
I find my pulse along its trails so I can feel my body keeping itself alive
when my thoughts are focused on the opposite
My skin veils these unacceptable manifestations of apathy and my mouth even moreso
It curls into a tight smile, my lips taught around the corners
Forced and tired
I am weathered by the front I feel inclined to put up
but I need to keep others safe from my selfish pessimism
Being a burden is so loathsome
and I cannot bear to be as much of a burden to others as I am to myself
This weight is a burden and I do not want pity
This is an ailment not cured by medication, but rather subdued
And while I cannot bear to reveal its presence to others
I cannot bear to mute myself and soften the blue in my arm and the pulse in my veins
Despite this lingering, selfish pessimism
I am optimistic that my flesh will no longer have to be the embodiment of an apathetic and indifferent being
and instead will be the home to a feverous pulse and warm blood