There’s some days when I still wonder about youHow your life isWhat you are up toWho you hang withBut what I really ponder on is if you ever think about me.And if it’s still like before...negatively.I’m not even sure what happened in the past, why you did the things you did. Said the things you said. Treated me the way you did. And broke my heart.. no... my soul.. without a blink of an eye.And when I think about not only that, it makes my heart cry.I’m human. I can’t help the emotions. Although I recently forgave you and believe me that took some time.I check up on you because I still care. I always did but I probably showed it in a pessimistic way I admit.That was wrong of me but you aren’t so innocent yourself. So don’t think that just because I forgave you that I’m ever going to understand what you and her did and why.I need closure. Though I stutter at the thought of asking you for forgiveness.I’m not afraid of you being unforgiving, for in my mind I still don’t know, honestly, what I even did.I am afraid of you not accepting my forgiveness, and moving past the hole that has created an aching numbness.I wonder if you’re still the same as when we parted.Or am I only remembering the act of your faults.It can’t be that because I remember the sun and water with happy smiles, videos filled of memories, in the late evening summers.Or maybe it was all a hoax. having someone in my life, knowing all my secrets, wants, needs, hopes, just to be two-sided; a wake up call that what you said actually made me feel retarded.Three against one. Thats what you guys always wanted?..I should have seen it from the beginning. But my love for you all was pure but slowly poisoned.It ended in a brutal killing without even touching me. No harm was done to my body by your hands, only mine long after. I let you get to me, but I should have known better.You poisoned me to the core. You know you did. I wonder if you even forgive yourself. And better yet, you’re probably gonna think “what for?”Another part of me thinks you don’t even think about it at all. But I know there’s a soft side to you underneath that hard-hearted wall.I really do forgive you for everything you’ve hurt me with. To the point where I’ve forgotten the reason of hating you. But occasionally I get flashbacks and wonder where in life you are at, so I go online and hope you get to travel to NY again and keep having those New Years eve candids with your person you kiss.I’m sorry, and I still love you.I hope one day we can mend our own hearts, and I know first that’s going to take more time.But for now I just want you to know that, and I’ll patiently wait until you’re ready, and hope the time passes by.