Between

I need to find a balance between 

feeling too much and not enough. 

Between being overcome with emotion 

and feeling an all-consuming empty numbness.

I need to find a medium where I can think

about the things that overwhelm me 

in a space where I feel safe to do so-

But how can I when everything feels like too much?

 

I'm trying so hard to do the right thing 

But how can I know what the right thing is 

When everything I do feels wrong? 
 

The worst thing about being me right now 

I think, is being rationally crazy. 

What I mean is, I do and think things 

that don't make sense, but I'm fully 

Aware that my actions are irrational.
 

Sometimes it feels as if I'm out of my body, 

Watching myself descend into madness 

only to pull the guise of sanity

back over my eyes

and just be like oh that was weird.

 

I need to find a balance between 

thinking too much about my past 

and pretending like it never happened.

Between letting it dictate how I think

and not dealing with it until it manifests 

into a monster, taking me out with a single flashback.

 

 I need to find a space to exist in 

between caring too much or not at all. 

Sometimes I break down and cry 

over the smallest of things.

Other times I'm filled with apathy 

to the point where I wonder if I'm still human. 

They say being in limbo is tortuous,

but having lived solely in extremes for months,

I think I would really like to find a place Between. 

This poem is about: 
Me

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