I fell in love with a boy

He asked to hold my untouched heart

I was afraid

To let him into my world

To let him see my flaws

Afraid to let him see the part of me that I locked away from the world

But in time, the walls I had built came crashing down

He treated me with the utmost respect

We knew each other’s boundaries and made sure not to overstep

Taught one another to love our imperfections and embrace ourselves as we are

Trust ran deep in our connection

His private thoughts were given to me, and to this day I have never let them out

He listened when I spoke as if the key to his happiness would roll off my tongue

He knew why I hated the sound of noisy dishes

I knew why he hated the taste of sweet cranberries

He let me into his messed up, chaotic world, and I invited him to live in mine

We laughed, we cried, we fought, and we made up

Most importantly, we loved

I asked him why he did all of this for a simple girl like me, he replied

“Because I love you.”

Time passed

I met another boy

He played with my heart

He promised I had nothing to be afraid of

Until he pointed out the flaws that I had learned to love

My crooked nose, my dark skin, my big thighs

Constant lies thrown in my face as if I was not worthy of the truth

I was told my culture was loud and irritating

I was told to be grateful

That I had the privilege to ride in his expensive car

He made me believe I had truly lost my mind

And he was the one who would help me find it

He left my heart aching and broken

My walls went up once again

And I made sure they stood taller and stronger than before

When I asked why he treated me this way, his answer was

‘Because I love you.’

How strange is that

The man who loved me and the man who abused me

Both replied with the same answer

Yet meant two completely different things

I have learned that the words “Because I love you.” Is not an excuse

It does not give a man the right to hurt you

It does not right his wrongs

It does not make his words any less painful

Love should empower

Not destroy

To my first love

Thank you

And to the boy who thought he destroyed me

You didn’t.