I was born … Only to be blamed for human’s existence on earth

My essence, inside and out, blends into the definition of pure evil

Causing me to be shunned into the darkest corners of the world and worthless to everything but the touch of the sun

Not born a son, my sister was put to the ground

Her heart still beating and her soul still kicking

Left there till her last breath withered away … Unheard

Puzzled by it all, my young steps touched theses grounds by the will of my presently dead mother and the destiny of the one above

Expecting to grow old with my flesh and blood,

I was shattered while taking unwilling steps to the prison of my master 

And the hopes of my dreams vanished within seconds

Replaced with entertainments of pots and rags and serving as his little play toy

I fell to abuse, rape and other evils that would kill me if spoken of

The scars of mutilation are still dark

Hidden in a place not shown to the world

When no longer proven useful, I was sown into a new seam

In which marriage embarked a journey on my self-esteem

My impurity kept him away

Leaving me to think that God would make me disgusting

And when he died and was put to flames, I threw myself in 

Thinking it to be my honor

 

But then I was born again to a new world

Swollen with hope that it would be better and brighter 

But hope got the better of me 

Because you see, the past manifested into the present

My childhood was stolen by the advancement of boys 

While I stayed within four walls of domesticity

Then married to a man in my father’s happy hour

Only for my property to become his alone 

Everything from a seed to a golden coin

Nothing of mine to call my own 

Not even my mind, body and soul

His beatings were granted constitutional according to supreme law

A “power so great” that allowed a human to rot in pain at the hand of another

I call that playing ignorant and full blameworthy

Nothing to do with the lack of modernity

Just the lack of civility

… And when years came and went,

Bruises and broken bones swiftly appeared and disappeared 

Until the last straw was drawn 

And my life was taken away by one, merciless, fatal blow 

As my hopeful last breath whispered, “I am free”

 

And yet again I was born to a new world 

Thinking it would end already

That I would celebrate under a sky raining justice and fairness

But that is just naïve of me to believe

For the world I live is no better than it was yesterday

Have you seen what life looks like today, 

TV shows, movies, toys and magazines

All taught and teach one painful message

Beauty is not in the eyes of the beholder nor in the heart of a person

Beauty is all you

How pretty your face is

How big your breasts are

How small your waist is

How proportional your hips are

This perfect image instilled in me

Everything no human could actually be

But standards have risen far beyond maximum ability

Making me fall for every new, sexy trend and style

Making me resort to painting every inch of my identity

Making abstinence my number one rule by eating and binging

Depriving my mind and soul its rights

And what makes me sick even more,

That not matter how much I try 

I would always be ugly 

Nothing in comparison to the perfection plastered on billboards and magazines 

Leaving me hopeless to the times that I day dream

Thinking I would at least make it in the corporate  world 

I was driven only to be turned down and replaced by a woman with plump lips, colored eyes and glowing skin

Far along then came a job

Where I was under appreciated and underpaid 

For every dollar a man made with my job description

I made seventy-seven cents

The discrimination is unbelievable 

Where I'm worth only what my body can offer 

While my mind left thrown in a dark, gloomy alley 

Alone and uncared for

So I tried,

I fought again  and again to become prettier and sexier and loftier

Counting the numbers I brought through my door

Selling myself far less than money

Then finally realizing under the shining moon, questioning my motives and dreams

… Why I gave into this modern oppression

Making a clone of myself

Falling for everything out there, the same as everyone else

Wondering what is wrong with this world

Why is it so repetitive and sadistic

Until my tears dripped blood of despair as the the night darkened and my eyes drifted away.