You are the fingers on my back

of kisses on the nape of my neck

you smile when I talk

or make the noises of an animal

 

You are scared to fight with me

and I am scared not to fight.

What if I am beaten down by you?

What if I live for you?

 

We want to live together

to have days and nights with feet tangled

to shower and watch life go by together

of hands on backs and lips on necks

 

I don't know how to handle my emotions

My brain made up of medications and thoughts

half-baked ideas of new beginnings

that can and won't ever unfold

 

Nevertheless, you encourage me anyways

Maybe one day they will come true

and you won't need to run after me

after I leave because I am angry

 

I worry that I don't love you enough

that our relationship isn't healthy

that this is the drug to end all drugs

and that is why it is so deadly

 

I yell and you  cry and then I cry

and then I am confused because you're never mad

You never yell or be angry with me

frustrated, yes, but never angry even when I am

 

Sometimes I want you to yell

to be angry that way I can be back

that way I can express how I feel 

but you never do and because of that I am grateful

 

are we healthy? I don't know

All I know is that I love you

and the good outweighs the bad 

and that is what counts

 

That my happiness has been linked to yours

that I can tell you things I've never told anyone

that there are no half-baked dreams with you

that there are only future dates and time

 

that even on suburban streets at night

and the concrete pounding in our veins

and loud angry whispers break the air

that your hands belong here, that I belong here.