I never asked for this

I never asked to see what I see

When I close my eyes, when everything goes dark

The monsters that make me lose sleep

That keep me away from my dreams

They don’t have to sleep

I never asked for this

I never asked to get nervous every time I walk out the door

Not because I’m scared to go outside

But because I’m scared of what the outside will make me do

I can’t look a stranger in the eye for more than 3 seconds before

It happens

I start to shake

I can’t breathe
I wonder what they’ll do

But nothing ever happens

I never asked for this

I never asked for this nagging feeling in the back of my mind

They’re always thinking something

Thinking something about me

Do they know how uncomfortable I am?

How even my own skin feels too tight?

How I barely had any sleep last night

Do they know that these clothes never fit me right

That no matter how pretty the dress it always feels too tight

Because I don’t belong here
I don’t belong, these clothes aren’t mine, whose are they?

This skin isn’t mine this, hair isn’t mine, it’s nothing I am

I don’t know what I am
I don’t know who I am

What happens when we die?

And if I die will the ticking stop then?

The constant ticking of a clock I can never find because it doesn’t exist

It’s only job is to tell me that I’m running out of time

And everything always moves too fast

I’m lost and alone and uncomfortable and scared

I feel everything at once and the happy moments are gone too fast

And I’m afraid to be alone with my own thoughts

Because the best poetry happens when we’re scared

And I’m always scared, my heart is always racing

And that’s only the beginning.
I never asked for this.
I never asked for strangers to stare at me while I cry

In the middle of an amusement park

I lost my cup, a freaking cup

And here I am LOSING MY MIND underneath a roller coaster

And all I want to do is ride one last water ride

But it’s closed now

Because I wasted all this time

And don’t tell me it’s all in my head

Are you the one who catches me when I pass out?

Cleans up my vomit at 3 o’clock in the morning

Because I could have sworn there was a little girl in my closet

I do not belong here

And half of me is afraid that everyone knows it

And the other half is afraid that you don’t.