A long time ago 

I asked myself  

what was thing called love?    

why the hell do people want it so bad?  

how come I can never feel it?  

what is wrong with me?  

why must I be unloved and unloving?  

what is love?   


and now I think I can tell you:


love is not the answer 

to all our questions.  

love isn't the sunshine coming through the leaves, 

the dappled sunspots tracing across the ground  

like the reflection of the night sky.  


love isn't when you let them go 

you put a smile on your face  

when your heart is breaking  


love isn't giving up  

on your hopes and dreams  

because you love them  

so much  



love isn't staying with him 

because it's the right thing to do 

and you're always trying to do 

the right thing 


love isn't putting him first 

giving him your all 

fully and unconditionally  


love isn't a disease   

I can't catch it 

love isn't a drug  

I didn't take a hit 

love isn't a storm  

I can't feel the rain 

love isn't right 

I wasn't wrong before. 


I don't have another half  

no other side to my monologue  

so how can I claim now to love?  


you tell me, 

because I can't understand  

the feeling 

that makes me want to surrender 

be weaker  



simply exist with you   


because that would mean 

that I am wrong  

and you make me right  


a half that wasn't supposed to exist 

a piece of a puzzle  

to a picture I thought was whole 

changing how I view the world forever  


I have no words  

rationality thrown to the wind  

I didn't fall head over heels   

I did somersalts 

and fell to the ground  




struggling now to pick up  

the fragmented pieces  

of a heart I never thought I had  


you were the only exception 

you brought me to life    

you took over my heart 

and my head 

and filled them with beautiful dreams  

instead of nightmares 


and now that I have to kill what I've created 

throw away those dreams 

because they were never shared 

I wish I could go back 






because you have made me fragile 

and in order to move on 

get over you 

I have to gore these feelings 

shred and rip them into little pieces  

because you won't. 


and I can't.












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