There once was a time where I was always right

Twelve times fourteen is a hundred and sixty eight

Two syllables in the word “contrite”
Seven point five is California’s tax rate

 

There are certain things they don’t teach you at school

Top of the class, rank one, the best of the best

Studying and learning, that was my only rule

Oh how lovely that was, I felt nothing but blessed

 

As I break the conventions of prose and poetry

I will now tell you the story of how everything went wrong

The greatest disease I have ever faced was neither cancer nor the flu

It was isolation and anxiety, and the fear of being alone

 

There was a dark abyss lingering in the center of my chest

A tear, a hole, a void

I did not know how to mend it, and I did not know what to do

But there was a cure, and I knew I had to find it

 

She asked me what was wrong

I caved in and let her know

It was slow and it was progressive

But soon, I began to heal

 

May 29^th, June 13^th, July 31^st

August 9^th, October 5^th, October 26^th

November 8^th, December 10^th, December 13^th

These are days I cannot forget as long as I live

 

I remember when I stayed up to watch the stars

It was the first time I could finally watch the sky without it being a plea to God for help

I looked at my friend next to me, and I smiled

For the first time in years, I finally felt like I could breathe

 

I remember the way someone told me that it’ll be okay

I remember the unbreakable camaraderie of my volleyball team

I remember the walk I shared on a cold night in a quest for warmth

I remember, I remember, I remember

 

There is a voice that soothes me like the slight breeze of a winter wind

There is a smile that I hold so dear to my heart and I never want to see it fade

There is a laugh that makes me forget about all my troubles and all my problems

There is a touch that I crave, as it makes me realize that I, too, am human

 

And though I am patched up

I know that I am still damaged

There are things that I now value

Which are compassion, love, and understanding

 

It is easy to lose the people you care about

When you don’t know how to keep their hearts close to yours

Nobody tells you what to do when someone holds you close for the very first time

There is no formula, there is no solution, and there is no telling how things will work out

 

There once was a time where I was always right

But now, every word that comes out of my mouth sounds like a mistake

Every unuttered phrase sounds like a year of piercing silence

Every interaction is a calculation that I cannot seem to compute

I now make mistakes that I cannot erase with the other end of my pencil

I am graded on how well I make a person smile

I am pained by my inability to make things right

I can no longer afford to lose the people that I care about

 

Every night, I find myself studying the wrong subject

Every night, I find myself writing about the same people

Every night, I find myself asking the same question

Will I ever return to the time where I was once always right?

 

If there is one thing that I’m certain about

It is that life is not going to be quite as difficult as I once thought

The limitless stars spell out the multitudes of people who are there for me

The diamond coated clouds whisper about the bright life ahead of me

 

There are certain things they don’t teach you at school

I have since learned that we must be kind

For everyone we meet is fighting a difficult battle

I was taught how to live, and so, I will now return that favor

 

There is a war that we all face and we cannot do it alone

If you want to, then hold my hand, just incase

I promise you that we’ll get through this together

Because it’s the only way we can