Addicted

Normally, I'd never admit it


Not to myself


Not to anyone


But I have to get this out of my system


I'm still not over her yet


The one who was there when I lost someone closer


It was love instantly


And I've never understood


Truth is,


I've never been able to get over her


I've never been ready


To give my heart to someone else


But now that I've lost someone


From doing the same thing


That she did to me


All the secrets


All the lies


All the deceit


I let myself fall in love


Not with the people


But with temptation


With the thrill Adrenaline rush


That's what it really was


Then because of the one who stood in front of me


Things flipped the script


I wasn't prepared for a love like this


I wasn't game for falling


Game for being caught up


Game for being part of it


The main prize  in it


Now it's something I had to deal with


The guilt that stains my soul


Not because of who I am


But because of who I was


The love I felt for someone


Who was always there


But never for me


Who was for ever there


But never stayed


Left me stranded


Almost helpless


Until I realized


How I could use it


Against myself


To strenghten myself


But I ended up hurting myself


It was like cutting myself


Dividing myself


Amongst the individuals


Who could have made me happy


But I made miserable


Caused pain, hurt and anguish


Took for granted


Not only am I stained


I look in the mirror


And see a soul darker


Than the most ink filled midnight


And the worst part is


I'm addicted to the twinge


I've been bingeing all this time


Like a sweat filled night


Under the covers


Intimacy between lovers


I can't get enough of it


Nothing to top that first high


That sent me soaring


Past the greatest of heights


If nothing compares


Why do I keep trying


Why not be happy with someone


With someone I know, trust, and love


Because there will always be that fear


That someone's gonna judge


But I got to get over it


Or I'll always be stuck in this cycle


Withdrawal, to find more


To get high


But no one sees love as a drug

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