Addicted
Normally, I'd never admit it
Not to myself
Not to anyone
But I have to get this out of my system
I'm still not over her yet
The one who was there when I lost someone closer
It was love instantly
And I've never understood
Truth is,
I've never been able to get over her
I've never been ready
To give my heart to someone else
But now that I've lost someone
From doing the same thing
That she did to me
All the secrets
All the lies
All the deceit
I let myself fall in love
Not with the people
But with temptation
With the thrill Adrenaline rush
That's what it really was
Then because of the one who stood in front of me
Things flipped the script
I wasn't prepared for a love like this
I wasn't game for falling
Game for being caught up
Game for being part of it
The main prize in it
Now it's something I had to deal with
The guilt that stains my soul
Not because of who I am
But because of who I was
The love I felt for someone
Who was always there
But never for me
Who was for ever there
But never stayed
Left me stranded
Almost helpless
Until I realized
How I could use it
Against myself
To strenghten myself
But I ended up hurting myself
It was like cutting myself
Dividing myself
Amongst the individuals
Who could have made me happy
But I made miserable
Caused pain, hurt and anguish
Took for granted
Not only am I stained
I look in the mirror
And see a soul darker
Than the most ink filled midnight
And the worst part is
I'm addicted to the twinge
I've been bingeing all this time
Like a sweat filled night
Under the covers
Intimacy between lovers
I can't get enough of it
Nothing to top that first high
That sent me soaring
Past the greatest of heights
If nothing compares
Why do I keep trying
Why not be happy with someone
With someone I know, trust, and love
Because there will always be that fear
That someone's gonna judge
But I got to get over it
Or I'll always be stuck in this cycle
Withdrawal, to find more
To get high
But no one sees love as a drug