8 Months ago...

That's when I first met you.

When I first saw you.

I didn't notice you before, but your divinity and your aura brought me to you.

The words you had recited aloud caught my full attention and left me in awe.

I anticipated to actually have the guts to talk to you, so I can understand how your

mind worked.

How you were able to speak such words.

That led me to having interest in you.

I got bold and started texting you.

Before I knew it, we became well acquainted.

I felt good. I felt like I was worth your attention now.

Like I could possibly be someone that you can see as a good friend, and that you

could start noticing my poems and start noticing me.

At this point, I was just happy knowing that you knew my name and that we were

starting to become friends.

At least I thought we were...

 

There were some days when we really didn't talk, but I didn't think anything of it.

I started to notice that we weren't talking as much.

I don't know why, but we just weren't.

Then one day, you talked to me, but it wasn't what I wanted to hear.

It was about someone else.

I didn't really admit it a first, but my heart literally dropped to my feet.

My chest felt hollow.

 

You told me you liked my best friend.

 

It broke me a little.

You kept asking me what was wrong and I would lie and say nothing when 

obviously my face showed it.

I kind of started to feel bad.

Some of the conversations that we had from that point and later on was about her.

I rememeber some of the words you said when you were telling me why you liked

her, it made me feel not good enough.

"Well first off, she's beautiful. I like a girl that is worth looking at", is what you 

said.

I don't say it, but I have insecurities within myself that made those words hard for

me to register into my brain.

Not that you didn't say other stuff that wasn't related to her beauty, but those words

screamed in my face and forced me to hear it.

Ever since then, it's been hard for me to look at you.. to be in your face.

Old thoughts and past experiences came to haunt me again.

I shouldn't have let it, but I could never stop them.

When I noticed I probably didn't have a chance, I just started to become your

friend.

Trying to tell myself that I didn't like you, but really I was just hiding my real

feelings for you under the "friend" label.

Then when I let you know, I felt like you were trying to avoid me.

You probably weren't, but that's how I felt.

You always wanting to know who liked you and you always doubting that 

somebody liked you, but there was someone.

You feeling like no one liked you pissed me off.

I just wasn't confident enough to tell you right then and there.

I liked who you were as a person. Not because of your looks.

And honestly, I felt like that's all you cared about.

I don't think the problem was yoou trying to find somebody that liked you, I think

the problem was you finding somebody that you liked, like you back.

Now, it feels awkward to be around you.. to know that you know how I feel about

you and you not acknowledging it.

Now, I feel that our conversations are forced... and we don't talk as much.

I feel like it wouldn't be like this if I hadn't told you.

Welp, shit happens.

8 months ago felt so good.

Just the tiniest things made me happy when I spoke to you.

 

Whoever thought that 8 months later, I would be feeling like this.