I’m lying awake
as usual
I couldn’t even throw back
the little white beads
that they said would help
they don’t
at least not anymore
and I find myself here
whispering to myself in the darkness
frequently
way too frequently
I can feel it consuming me
the bags under my eyes
are getting darker
they are being pulled down
by ten thousand sailors
with weights tied to their ankles
drowning
I throw off the blanket
the cold air kisses my body
the goosebumps wash over me
my breasts
stick out of my thin cotton shirt
I peel myself out of bed
the sunlight
climbs into my room
oh so faintly
but it’s there
my hair is a mess
but that’s the way I like it
regardless
of where
how
when
if
I’ve slept