is writing no across my chest good enough?or do I have to repeat muted words?No.No.NO. I said no. And God knows my lips are not sealed shutbut it feels so closed off.And I know my heart bleeds but every hand that has touched my words do not see the blood dripping from my lips. I want you to see what it was for. But you will never know.Because all I saw was the inside of my eye lids as my world felt like fire and ice at the same time and everything seemed to go wrong. But I shouldnt have let it happen.I should have been smarter.Because of course its my fault. Of course. Even when I saw a brother the one tryingA friend the one tryingA friendA friendA stranger And everything turns out okay in the end.Because when the fog clears my lips are sown shut and I am not me.I am a girl you only see through dim lamps and selfish handsKeep my name out of your mouth I do not want to live thereI want so badly to give upAnd be remembered for being crazySmiling evenBut thats not what I amNot who I am I am the girl you saw as an opportunity and by God did you take it. The bruises are freshBut memories just started rising and I want to forgetI want the moments you say my bloody no as an invitation to leave and I want to go with them. To become a reverseTo go back and never have happened But here I am And soon. Here I will go.