23: that’s how many days it took to stop thinking about you every time I woke up. It’s how many times I sat alone with hurt in my eyes this year alone.

22: I don’t care what you think, that is one of Taylor Swift’s best songs. It’s also the age at which I’m going to have to actually get my shit together and become an adult.

21: if you know, you know. This was the age I realized that everyone in my life could be there temporarily. That every moment was a miracle.

20: what a shitty year. Also, I counted and it’s the exact number of mosquito bites that I collected last weekend. That might be a new record.

19: I was this old when I fell down the flight of steps at college and just decided to lie there at the base of the steps while people walked by. If that doesn’t sum up my life I really don’t know what does. 

18: legally an adult!!!!! Hellz yeah, pssst turn back it’s a trap.

17: the first time I felt happy with myself in a long time. Not because of what other people said or what I did to deserve it, purely because I realized I didn’t need to do anything to deserve happiness.

16: whoever thought this was sweet should die. Also, the number of pills I swallowed the first time.

15: the age at which I realized I needed to try to take my life back and also the number of scholarships I applied for senior year in high school.

14: HELL 

13: the first time I discovered how it felt to feel as though you are dead when your body is still moving.  

12: the age where kids are considered most immature and at the peak of their childhood about to enter teenage years. Also the first year I tried to kill myself. 

11: for some reason this used to be my brother’s favorite number. Also the year I lost my virginity, not by choice and the first year I considered suicide.

10: the number of fingers and toes that I have. Also, the number I used to get rated out of, always scoring below a 5. 

9: the number that sounds like the German word for no, I wonder if people listen when you say it in Germany

8: the year my father told my brothers we were too old to be kids. The year I was no longer aloud to go trick or treating. The first time my father hit me without a reason to.

7: the year my grandfather died and my grandma was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. The year I learned that your loved ones never stay forever. 

6: the number of members in my family and the age at which I started 1st grade in a new town with no friends.

5: the number of times I tried to kill myself before I realized my worth. Also the age my family moved from our old home and the year I had a red white and blue birthday party.

4: the number of times I’ve fallen in love and the number of bones I’ve broken

3: three brothers, three kings, 3 times I’ve gotten alcohol poisoning, triplets.

2: too many tears, too many mistakes, 2 best friends, too tired to sleep.

1: one more year, one more mistake, one more cookie, one more minute. One day it all won’t matter anymore.


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