As I smile and smile another day passes, 

the same old, same old, 

all they see is me laughing and giggling,

but do they really see me,

behind closed curtains my insides are screaming,

filled with jealousy of others being happy,

my past haunts me, 

it follows me everywhere,

its the shadow you will never be able to turn the lights out on,

this is me behind closed curtains,

my father left me when I was 11, 

just enough time for me to know him enough to love him unconditionally,

knowing he can care each day for his new family but not simpily call me,

hurts me,

everyday,

I feel the pain,

but I keep a smile on because I want to be tough,

It eats me alive making someone think it actually bothers me,

I dont need anyone to feel bad for me...,

or do I?